Embracing the Unknown: My Evolving Relationship with Faith and Belief
By Lauro Amezcua-Patino, MD, FAPA.
Growing up in Mexico, my family’s relationship with Catholicism was typical of many households — not profoundly devout, but culturally Catholic. Catholicism was woven into the fabric of our lives, from church on holidays to the occasional mass, baptisms, and confirmations. It wasn’t the driving force of daily life but an anchor that grounded us in tradition. When I had children, we raised them within this familiar Catholic framework, ensuring they had a religious foundation similar to mine.
As time passed, however, I began to reflect more deeply on my beliefs. Life’s experiences — becoming a parent, navigating personal and professional challenges, and grappling with loss — invited me to explore philosophical questions that Catholicism didn’t always seem to answer fully. I moved away from the certainty of religious doctrine and closer toward a more agnostic perspective. This shift didn’t happen all at once but unfolded gradually, shaped by a growing curiosity about the nature of faith, reason, and existence, and continues to evolve.
One of the most significant moments in this journey came with the death of my older sister. Her passing left me grappling with deeper existential questions: What happens after death? What is the purpose of life? Her death pulled me back into the rituals of Catholicism for a time, seeking comfort in the familiar traditions of faith. Yet, even in that sorrow, I couldn’t fully embrace the certainty that religion often provides. Instead, I leaned more into the agnostic space — accepting that I may never know the answers to life’s biggest questions but remaining open to the mystery of it all.
This transformation didn’t lead to rejecting Catholicism or any religion. I became more empathetic and respectful of all forms of belief — whether deeply religious, spiritual, or secular. I came to appreciate that faith and religion serve different roles for different people, providing comfort, moral guidance, or simply a sense of belonging. For me, faith became less about absolutes and more about a personal, evolving relationship with the unknown.
My children, raised in the same cultural Catholicism that I grew up in, have been exposed to this evolution in my thinking. I’ve always encouraged them to explore their own faith journeys, and while I may have moved closer to agnosticism, I respect whatever path they choose. Religion, for them, might hold more meaning or serve a different role, and I believe that’s a personal journey everyone must navigate.
I’ve understood that faith and religion exist on a dynamic continuum. Faith, as I now view it, is a profoundly personal experience that doesn’t always require institutional religion to find meaning. It’s an internal dialogue, a search for understanding in life’s uncertainties. Conversely, religion offers structure, tradition, and community, which can be invaluable to those who seek it. But they are not mutually exclusive, nor are they fixed. Both can evolve, shaped by life’s experiences, culture, and personal reflection.
In a world often divided between religious and secular viewpoints, I find myself in a bridge—building space, embracing both perspectives' complexities. I no longer seek the concrete answers I once thought religion would provide. Instead, I focus on living with compassion, empathy, and respect for others, regardless of their beliefs. Whether one finds comfort in faith, religion, or a more secular path, we are all engaged in the same search for meaning and purpose.
As I reflect on the role of faith and religion in my life, I see them not as fixed points but as evolving elements of the human experience. My journey from Catholicism to agnosticism and back and forth is not one of losing faith but of transforming it — moving from certainty to curiosity, from doctrine to personal exploration. While I may not have the same relationship with Catholicism that I once did, I am more than grateful for how it shaped my values, empathy, and respect for the diverse ways people find meaning in life. I still have a little image of Christ that comes to mind, and I frequently ask myself, under difficult ethical and moral circumstances, “What would Jesus do?”
Ultimately, it’s not about whether someone is religious or not. It’s about how we live, treat others, and navigate the inevitable uncertainties of life. For me, that’s the essence of faith — whether rooted in religion or not. It’s an openness to the mystery of existence, an embrace of the unknown, and a commitment to living with integrity and compassion, whatever that may look like.
As I reflect on this journey — from faith, through religion, to a space of open curiosity — I recognize that life’s greatest question, “What happens after we die?” will likely remain unanswered. And maybe that is precisely the point.
Whether we follow a religious path that promises certainty or embrace the uncertainty that comes with agnosticism, we are all bound by the same human desire to find meaning.
There’s beauty in not knowing. In the same way the stars burn brightly despite our limited understanding of the universe, so too do we continue to evolve, live, and search, even when the answers evade us. Some may seek comfort in religious belief, following its path with faith and devotion.
Others, like myself, may choose to dwell in the mystery, finding solace not in knowing but in the humility of recognizing that perhaps some things are not meant to be known. Whether we choose to follow a path of faith or live with the ambiguity of the unknown, both are soothing answers, offering their own kind of peace.
In the tension between certainty and uncertainty, we discover what it truly means to be human — constantly evolving, seeking, and finding grace not in the answers but in the search itself. But overall, my Faith and My Religion are Mine.